Life Vision & Purpose
Who Am I?
The existential question. I’m really going to distill my long-term aspirations, defining questions, and evolving philosophy on existence, death, and virtue.
WTH? Am I crazy? This exercise could either be enlightening or depressing.
Long-term Aspirations
The Horizon
I’m at hopefully the halfway point of my life and I already need to claw back in order to reach some of my aspirations. And I need to throw out chronological order entirely. So what are my goals? This introspective will be broader than my bucket list which I will cover elsewhere.
- Be at my physical best. Get healthier. Nothing else matters if I don’t master myself. I’ve had some challenges that I need to address fully. The clock needs to keep ticking.
- Let love find me. I’ve taken time to recalibrate since the end of my last relationship. I’m almost ready to put myself out there again [not the time/date posted].
- Get more educated. For someone deemed intelligent by any yardstick I feel that my formal education doesn’t match. Time to collect degrees like infinity stones.
- Create. Paint more. Write more. Animate! Design! Develop! Style! But for me, not for clients. Bring the passion back. Challenge myself. Get uncomfortable.
- Master social media. This feels empty but necessary. I’m in it so I might as well exploit it in my favour. Let the self-branding begin.
- Be more financially solvent. I don’t need rainy day money. I need Fuck You money. Quinta somewhere warm money. Legacy money. Let’s stack that paper.
- Bond with the kid. Be his default thought when he reflects on words of wisdom. When he thinks of a bon mot. An action or path to take. Live to see him surpass my expectations.
- Refine my style. I don’t want to go full sprezzatura, nor do I aspire to be a sapeur, but I want to be more spiffy. For myself, not for the gaze of others although if Halle or Padma notices I’m good with that.
- Do more good. Fire up the nonprofit again. Make it a social enterprise. Found that eco-lodge. Get off the grid – even though I’m not about them self-composting toilets.
- Find my why. Get centered. It won’t be through conventional religion so what then? Could it be stoicism? Buddhism? Chocolate? The quest continues.
Defining Questions
¿Qué?
- Who are you?
- What’s important to you?
- Why haven’t you done that yet?
- Who’s stopping you?
- Is that the right path?
- Can you fix it?
- Should you forget and move on?
- What’s your passion?
Evolving Philosophy
This is a tough one. I’ve always said I have a million philosophies but which of them shapes the others? Rage and spite used to be a catalyst but they’ve been replaced by depression and despair.
So that’s not gonna work.
I’ve mentioned Stoicism but I need to do a proper deep dive to truly understand it. I’m still looking. I’ll add more as I get closer to the center.
Existence
I remember when my son was just out of the toddler stage. I woke him up one morning and the first thing out of his mouth was “Dad, what does it all mean?”
*mind blown*
I had no answer for him. I’m still seeking that answer myself. What’s our purpose as humans? It has to be more than just being sentient, bipedal ants on the macro level. It’s the quintessential, existential question. The one with no answer.
Death
As much as we may insulate ourselves with spiritual hope, we don’t know what happens when we check out. We just don’t. Our only solace is living as long as possible and leaving a solid legacy for our loved ones. So that’s my focus.
Death scares me. But it remains abstract even though I’ve experienced it by proxy via those who I’ve known who have passed away. The most thought I’ve given it while in a non-depressed state has been to say “not today”.
Virtue
What is this exactly? It always seemed performative to me. Something to be measured by others. I’m more interested in being a moral person.
“Virtue isn’t virtue unless it slams up against vice. So consequently, your virtue’s not real virtue. Until it’s been tested… tempted.”
– Frank Pembleton, Homicide: Life on the Streets